When Does it End???? (get your answers right cheer!) (long)
From SilverRain on 4/3/2002 10:44:12 PM




When will it end???? Part of the answer .... (remember: bring cheetoes)

Actually, does it matter when it ends?
you've made the commitment
you've reached way down inside to the deciding place
and you quit
you just don't smoke
no matter what

so would it be better if i could tell you ...
Friday, May 22 at 10 am? or
Sunday, October 11 at 9:35 pm??
your withdrawals would be just as sharp
and just as difficult
you would still get tired from the unending resistance
to junkie ...

i don't know your exact release day ...
but i do know,
it WILL come
if you just don't smoke

and it will never come
if you accept junkie's deadly offer

I am reposting, below, a little something I wrote in?
April maybe? of 2001.
it's all still the same
(except i am svelte again!! lost it *all*!!)

The Reward

yep
there's an end to the pain and suffering.
guaranteed
the answer:

last night on my 3 mile walk ...

(I once richly deserved the nickname "pudge"
but now, having lost 22 of the 30 pounds I put on
playing patty-cake with werthers, tootsie pops and
CHEETOES!
now I'm more like "mini-pudge.")

tonight I said hello to otis the basset hound
(he wags his whole back end! the horizontal hula dog)

and a scant two yards further on is the little blue house
with the steep stoop.
on the top step is a long lanky man stretched out full length,
head propped against the siding.
the sunset is reflecting off the Trinity Mountains to the east.

he is lounged back, totally at ease, smoking a cigarette
with complete enjoyment.
i remembered how that was.
done that kinda thing many many times
in my 38 years of addiction, of smoking.

sez i: "now that looks like you are completely enjoying yourself!"
sez he: "it's very relaxing; that's for sure."

and on I walked (poodle in tow. scruffy poodle in tow.)
did I even think of joining him? NO!
did I consider weeping? NO!
gnashing teeth? NO!
did it hurt? NO!
did I have to fight the vampire? NO!
did I feel hardly-done-by? NO!
cheated? NO!
angry? NO!
resentful? NO!
holier-than-he? NO!
self-righteous? NO!
did i feel like nagging and lecturing? NO!

how extraordinary.

I walked on enjoying the sunset
working on the last 8 pounds
I remembered how good it used to taste
but that was all!

the junkie wasn't talking
hasn't been talking for almost two months now
(and I mean not even a whisper at midnight!!!)
am I free forever? safe?
well of course not.
the vampire is right there somewhere.

they aren't called "The Undead" for no reason.

and I'll never forget the sheer ... ummmm
would "excitement" be the right word?
of hell week.

so my fellow travelers,
trudging the road of happy destiny together,
take heart.
There really truly is an end to the suffering.

really.

have a cheeto on me.
I salute you.
It's a real adventure we are all engaged on,
the business of recovery from addiction.

be brave.
just don't smoke.
not one. not ever.

love,
silver (the mini-pudge!! Yeah!!)