What really happens when you quit smoking

The Untold Story

20 minutes after quitting. You begin looking for loopholes in your quit commitment, thinking about postponing the whole arrangement until after the next millennium begins.

After 8 hours. You have already contemplated at least three murders and several other brutal acts of violence.

After 24 Hours. Your city or town declares a mysterious and unforeseen water shortage, while municipal sewers are suddenly overwhelmed.

After 1 week. You have consumed enough calories to sustain a Bengali village of

2000 for four years. Food shortages become critical within your region; pets and local wild animals become nervous.

After 2 weeks. Quitzits establish early outposts on your face. Risk of Browser's Butt Syndrome (BBS) rises to equal that for 13-year-old boys with new computers and Internet access. Smileys appear in your writing and begin to replicate

Within 1 month. You have already begun to pester smokers and complain about the smell of their obnoxious cigarettes; IQ returns to low double-digits; Quitzits begin to function autonomously. Exclamation point shortages prevail across the land.

After 6 weeks You may have experienced your first bowel movement since your quit began; if not, be patient, it will happen within a few more weeks.

After 2 months. You begin to forget the pain and misery of the first week without cigarettes, and are wondering if you could, perhaps, remind yourself of what you've been missing; Quitzits establish territorial treaties with each other.

After 5 months. Intelligence returns to at least 60% of its pre-quit level; concentration remains a problem, at only 50%; carpal tunnel syndrome incidence exceeds all known levels for any keyboard-intensive occupation; you have typed more words than are contained within all the works of William Shakespeare, but with more flair and "sparkle".

After 6 months.

You wonder why you ever waited this long to quit. It's way, way, worth it.