By Fred H. Kelley
Why Am I Feeling This Way, Why, Why, Why!!!!!!!!!
As I read a lot of the posts this weekend I see that there is a lot of
quitters out there that are trying to figure out what is going on with
themselves and is this normal. Going through the process of quitting
and getting feeling like these can bring a lot of stress and fear to a
person that trying to start a new way of life. It takes a Lot of
courage to start down an unknown road and stay on that road when it
gets rough. I found this on the net a couple of months ago and post it
before. I was also was shown this early in my quit and found it Very
useful in my quit because it let me understand a little of what was
happening to me. I see that there is a lot of April 1 quitters out that
may have not seen it when I posted it before, so I thought I would take
the time to post it for all of you.
Popcorn2
In her 1969 book, On Death and Dying, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross identified
five distinct phases which a dying person encounters. These stages are
"denial," "anger," "bargaining," "depression," and finally,
"acceptance." These are the exact same stages that are felt by those
mourning the loss of a loved one as well.
Denial can be recognized as the state of disbelief: "This isn't really
happening to me," or "The doctor doesn't know what he is talking
about." The same feelings are often expressed by family members and
friends.
Once denial ceases and the realization of impending death is
acknowledged anger develops. "Why me?" or "Why them?" in the case of
the significant others. Anger may be felt toward the doctors, toward
God, toward family and friends. Anger, though, doesn't change the
person's fate. They are still in the process of dying. So next comes
bargaining.
In bargaining, the person may become religious, trying to repent for
all the sins that may be bringing about their early demise. "If you let
me live, I will be a better person, I will help mankind. Please let me
live, and I will make it worth your while." This stage, too, will come
to an end.
Now the patient, becoming aware he is helpless to prevent his impending
fate, enters depression. The patient begins to isolate himself from his
surroundings. He relinquishes his responsibilities and begins a period
of self mourning. He becomes preoccupied with the fact that his life is
coming to an end. Symptoms of depression are obvious to anyone having
contact with the patient in this stage. When the patient finally
overcomes this depression he will enter the last stage, acceptance.
The patient now reaches what can be seen as an emotionally neutral
stage. He almost seems devoid of feelings. Instead of death being
viewed as a terrifying or horrible experience, he now peacefully
accepts his fate.
As stated above, these stages are not only seen in the dying person but
likewise in the family members mourning the loss of a loved one.
However, on careful observation we can see these same stages in people
who lose anything. It doesn't have to be the loss of a loved one. It
could be the loss of a pet, the loss of a job, and even the loss of an
inanimate object. Yes, even when a person loses her keys, she may go
through the five stages of dying.
First, she denies the loss of the keys. "Oh, I know they are around
here somewhere." She patiently looks in her pockets and through her
dressers knowing any minute she will find the keys. But soon, she
begins to realize she has searched out all of the logical locations.
Now you begin to see anger. Slamming the drawers, throwing the pillow
of the couch, swearing at those darned keys for disappearing. Then
comes bargaining: "If I ever find those keys I will never misplace them
again. I will put them in a nice safe place." It is almost like she is
asking the keys to come out and assuring them she will never abuse them
again. Soon, she realizes the keys are gone. She is depressed. How will
she ever again survive in this world without her keys? Then, she
finally accepts the fact the keys are gone. She goes out and has a new
set made. Life goes on. A week later the lost keys are forgotten.
What does all this have to do with why people don't quit smoking?
People who attempt to give up smoking go through these five stages.
They must successfully overcome each specific phase to deal with the
next. Some people have particular difficulty conquering a specific
phase, causing them to relapse back to smoking. Let's analyze these
specific phases as encountered by the abstaining smoker.
The first question asked of the group during the smoking clinic was,
"How many of you feel that you will never smoke again?" Do you remember
the underwhelming response to that question? It is remarkable for even
one or two people to raise their hands. For the most part the entire
group is in a state of denial—they will not quit smoking.
Other prevalent manifestations of denial are: "I don't want to quit
smoking," or "I am perfectly healthy while smoking, so why should I
stop," or "I am different, I can control my smoking at one or two a
day." These people, through their denial, set up obstacles to even
attempt quitting and hence have very little chance of success.
Those who successfully overcome denial progress to anger. We hear so
many stories of how difficult it is to live with a recovering smoker.
Your friends avoid you, your employer sends you home, sometimes
permanently, and you are generally no fun to be with. Most smokers do
successfully beat this stage.
Bargaining is probably the most dangerous stage in the effort to stop
smoking. "Oh boy, I could sneak this one and nobody will ever know it."
"Things are really tough today, I will just have one to help me over
this problem, no more after that." "Maybe I'll just smoke today, and
quit again tomorrow." It may be months before these people even attempt
to quit again.
Depression usually follows once you successfully overcome bargaining
without taking that first drag. For the first time you start to believe
you may actually quit smoking. But instead of being overjoyed, you
start to feel like you are giving up your best friend. You remember the
good times with cigarettes and disregard the detrimental effects of
this dangerous and dirty habit and addiction. At this point more than
ever "one day at a time" becomes a life saver. Because tomorrow may
bring acceptance.
Once you reach the stage of acceptance, you get a true perspective of
what smoking was doing to you and what not smoking can do for you.
Within two weeks the addiction is broken and, hopefully, the stages are
successfully overcome and, finally, life goes on.
Life becomes much simpler, happier and more manageable as an ex-smoker.
Your self esteem is greatly boosted. Your physical state is much better
than it would ever have been if you continued to smoke. It is a
marvelous state of freedom. Anyone can break the addiction and beat the
stages. Then all you must do to maintain this freedom is simply
remember, NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!
©1982. Rush North Shore Medical Center. Good Health Program
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