1. Just let it be.

When a feeling does come up just let yourself sit with it, become aware of it and go through it.


2. Breathe

When you have a difficult feeling take several slow, deep breaths. This helps you center yourself.


3. Remember that you don't have to act on it.

Having a feeling doesn't mean you have to do anything about it right now or ever. A feeling can just be felt.


4. Reach out.

Talking about what you're feeling with someone supportive helps diffuse the urgency of the feelings, and puts them into perspective.


5. Don't judge feelings.

Your feelings are automatically justified, just because you feel them . . . even if no one else realizes them. Your feelings are neither right or wrong; there are no 'shoulds' when it comes to feelings.


6. Notice negative tapes

Take a moment cut to reprogram your internal computer. Tell yourself nurturing things. Be a loving parent to your inner child.


7. Stay in the moment.

Many of the painful feelings are related to past hurts or fears about the future. This is why bringing yourself back to the present can help you cope better. A baby does this automatically. One minute a baby can be crying from a wet diaper, but as soon as that diaper is changed, that baby is smiling. The baby is not hanging onto the past or worrying about the future.


8. Check out reality.

Because our most difficult feelings often stem from primitive, irrational beliefs and fears, they can have little to do with our current reality.


9. Remember, 'this too shall pass.'

Feelings, like cravings, are temporary. No matter how uncomfortable, they do pass in time.


10. Let your feeling thaw out.

If you blocked your feelings off as a child, you may be emotionally numb now, no longer even aware of what you feel. In recovery, you may be in for some surprises- the feelings will surface. Getting in touch with your feelings is a process, it might take a while. When you've been numb all your life, it takes a while to thaw out.


Paraphrased from "Willpower's Not Enough"
by Arnold Washton, PHD & Donna Boundry, MSW