STOP
SMOKING - BREAK THE CHAINS - INTRODUCTION
Please feel free to
continue to smoke until you finish this book.
Welcome to “Stop Smoking -
Break the Chains”. You now hold in your hands a book that without a
shadow of a doubt will change your life! Indeed, if you use this book
exactly as instructed, you cannot fail to achieve your goal of
becoming a non-smoker! How can I make such a powerful claim? Do yourself a
favor and find out by reading this book from cover to cover!
Now without further ado,
let’s get straight down to business.
There is only one reason
you are still a smoker and it is this:
You are constantly in
the grip of a psychological process
called denial.
INTRODUCTION
Until you gain an
awareness of this denial process you will find it difficult, if not impossible,
to stop smoking. This book will teach you how to recognise and deal with your denial and will equip you with
all the knowledge and skills that you will need to become a non-smoker. On
completion of the book and its tasks, you will feel much more in control and
will be in a position of such power that you will actively welcome the stop
smoking challenge
1 YOU AS A SMOKER
Permanently stale breath,
morning phlegm cough, nicotine stained teeth, shorter life expectancy, stained
fingers, constant financial drain, various health problems, poor role model for
your kids, dirty ashtrays, bland tasting food, smelly clothes and more
and more frequently in today’s health conscious climate, a lack of social
acceptance.
2 YOU AS A NON SMOKER
Fresher breath, cleaner
lungs, whiter teeth, likely to live longer, no stains on your fingers, more
money, better all round health, good role model for your kids, tastier food,
fresher home, fresher clothes and a greater level of social acceptability. These
two very different images serve to highlight the fact that if you are prepared
to tolerate all these negative aspects of smoking, i.e., the health risks, the
cost, the stale odors etc., then you really must be getting something very
powerful indeed in return.
Furthermore, if you
consider that you continually pay for your need to smoke, not just with money,
but also with part of your life expectancy, and with some of your potential for
good health, then it is easy to see that you are not just smoking for pleasure,
or because you like the taste, or because it gives you something to do
with your hands. The truth of the matter is this - you are prepared to pay such
a huge price to continue smoking because you are addicted to the chemical
nicotine.
Even if you don’t think
that you are addicted to nicotine, please bear with me until you get to the
section on addiction. You might find that it is your denial that
doesn’t allow you to see that you are addicted. Denial is an integral part of
the addiction condition and without understanding how your own denial process
works, you will find it very difficult to overcome your desire to smoke. This
book is centrally focused around this process, and will teach you everything
you need to know about denial, in order that you can be ready to deal with it
when it attacks.
Who exactly is this book for?
This book is designed for
everyone who seriously wants to stop smoking. It doesn’t matter if you are a
five a day teenager, or a one hundred a day pensioner, male or female, or if
this is Your first or fiftieth attempt at stopping - if you really want to stop
smoking then this is the book for you. Here’s why:
The addiction
perspective:
Because this book
tackles smoking from an addiction perspective, it recognizes that you will
repeatedly face both psychological and physical withdrawal difficulties.
You will learn as you
progress through each chapter how to deal effectively with such difficulties
and will find that stopping smoking will not be as difficult as you might previously
have thought or experienced.
The information that
follows will allow you to stop smoking with only a small and completely
manageable level of discomfort, and will focus in the main on the absolute core
of your addiction - your denial mechanism.
Later on you will be
looking at this denial process in some depth, but in the mean time here is some
basic information on how your denial works:
There is a little piece of
your unconscious mind (the bit of your mind that thinks without you being aware
of it) that will constantly try to trick you into smoking. It will do this by
either,
(A) Making you feel that nicotine withdrawal is
unbearable and that stopping smoking is not worth the discomfort and effort or
by,
(B) Creating what seems to your conscious mind (the
bit that you think with and are aware of) like really good reasons
for starting smoking again.
It achieves this by
passing these invented ‘reasons’ to your conscious mind in the form of a
thought or an idea. For example, having made the decision to stop smoking, you
might find yourself a few hours later thinking “Actually, now that I come to
think of it, this isn’t really a good time to stop - I think I’ll stop next
week instead when I’m not under so much pressure”.
With the help of
this book you will soon learn that these ‘reasons’ created by your unconscious
mind are always nonsense. On closer examination they will be
exposed as a mechanism that allows you to resume smoking by giving you a guilt
reducing excuse that you can use to justify your change of heart. More
importantly, these reasons give you the excuse you need to smoke, and smoking
will, of course, relieve your unpleasant feelings of withdrawal.
This is exactly what
denial is all about - it is your unconscious mind finding any excuse at
all, no matter how ridiculous, that will allow you to justify smoking, and
thereby relieve your feelings of discomfort.
Your denial will be able
to create excuse after excuse, and will convince you that these excuses are
all completely plausible. Reasons, perhaps, like:
“If it hadn’t been
for that boss of mine embarrassing me in front of my work mates....”, or, “If
only I hadn’t been caught speeding....”, or,
“if my boyfriend hadn’t
split up with me....”, or, “ It’s my birthday next month, perhaps I’ll wait
until then to stop....”,
or any one of a thousand
other rationalizations or justifications, every single one of which, if
believed, will ensure your failure. The real reason you continue to smoke (not
the one created by your unconscious) is simply this:
YOU DO NOT LIKE THE FEELINGS OF WITHDRAWAL
This book can, and will,
create in you an awareness which will allow you to override this destructive
unconscious ‘voice’ and will give you the tools you need to look honestly at
the pain of withdrawal. It will help you to see that most of your discomfort is
in fact an illusion, created deliberately by your unconscious.
Once you have learned how
to tackle the discomfort of withdrawal and discovered how to recognize and
defeat that ever present destructive unconscious ‘voice’, you will then move on
to tackling associated difficulties such as unwanted weight gain. You will then
learn how to set up effective support structures to help ensure your long-term
success. In the final section, you will find an easy to follow ‘battle plan’,
summarising all of the support strategies discussed
in the book.
In some sections of the
book there will be exercises to help you to understand the addiction process
and how you are affected by it, and also how to deal simply and effectively
with each potential relapse situation as it arises.
What this book isn’t:
This book is not going to try to scare you into stopping smoking by telling
you that if you don’t stop you will die younger, or that you are much more
likely to get cancer or some other smoking related disease. Lets face it - you
already know all that scary health stuff and you are still a smoker! Scare
tactics simply don’t work!
Another thing this book won’t be asking you to do is to reduce your smoking
over a period of time with a view to eventually stopping altogether. This
tactic is common, but usually ineffective. Reducing nicotine intake slowly
still keeps your body supplied with at least some nicotine, right up to the
point where you stop smoking altogether and your withdrawal symptoms begin.
This process is ineffective when you consider that at the end of your cutting
down period you are still going to be plunged headlong into the difficulty of
dealing with withdrawal. Why bother? You can start dealing with being a non
smoker as soon as you finish this book, without having to torture yourself for
weeks beforehand! Your newly acquired skills and knowledge really will give you
the edge that you need to stop smoking without too much difficulty and will
allow you to start your new life as a non smoker immediately. Although the
cutting down method may work for a few people, experience has shown that the
most effective method of stopping smoking is to simply stop, then deal with any
issues that may arise.
The method of stopping smoking discussed in this book is undoubtedly
effective. It is also realistic. It doesn’t promise you a totally pain free
ride. It does though; teach you how to effectively manage the discomfort of
withdrawal. You have, I’m sure, heard talk of the ‘easy’ way to stop smoking -
wishful thinking I’m afraid! If stopping smoking was easy then surely just
about everyone who smokes would have already stopped! The method discussed in
this book works, because it recognizes the fact that you are addicted to
nicotine and therefore your solution must lie in Dealing with the physical and
psychological problems that nicotine addiction presents.
This addiction / denial centered approach really does work and, it is
absolutely guaranteed to work for you, providing that you take all the lessons
to heart and follow all instructions to the letter. If you are Prepared to do
this then you will gain something that you really want - you will become a
non-smoker! Of course, like just about everything in life that is
worth having, it does not come for free - you are going to have to pay a price!
That price is as follows:
You must agree to participate fully in all the exercises. You must
agree to pay the price of feeling at least some discomfort, some of the time.
You must agree to use the knowledge and skills in this book to overcome any
withdrawal discomfort that you might feel.
You must agree to follow all instructions. Even if you can’t always
see the point!
Now, if you can agree to all of these simple terms then, as I mentioned
earlier, I am prepared to offer you this guarantee:
I absolutely guarantee that you will become a non smoker.
If you don’t become a non-smoker it will simply be because you did not
follow the instructions in this book to the letter. It is of the utmost
importance that you understand this “following instructions to the letter”
concept, otherwise you will be giving your denial mechanism a foothold. If you
do give it a foothold, you can be damned sure that sooner or later it will have
you smoking again! So once again – if you want to stop smoking be sure to
follow the instructions.
The following chapter will help you to understand nicotine addiction and
will go some way towards explaining why you continue to smoke, even though deep
down you don’t really want to!
CHAPTER 1 - UNDERSTANDING ADDICTION
The first thing you need to do is to establish beyond any reasonable doubt
that you are, in fact, a nicotine addict. You may feel uncomfortable with this
idea - most people do not like to think of themselves as any kind of addict
because the word ‘addict’ is commonly associated with images of drugs, junkies,
squalor and all sorts of seediness. More importantly for our purposes,
addiction of any sort is generally (and wrongly) regarded as a weakness.
Some people think that to admit to addiction is an admission of personal
inadequacy, and there are also (believe it or not) some individuals who think
that addiction of any sort is a moral failure, and that in general, addicts are
‘bad’ people!
Let’s get this clear. There is nothing morally wrong with being addicted to
nicotine. Or anything else for that matter. Nor is addiction a ‘weakness’.
Those who try to perpetuate these attitudes are not being realistic
about the whole realm of addiction within our society today. Addiction of
all kinds is rampant and the vast majority of individuals are addicted to one
substance / behavior or another. Take nicotine for example, roughly 30 percent
of the adult population in most western countries are addicted to
it. If you then add the number of people addicted to caffeine in tea, coffee,
cola drinks and chocolate, and further add the number of people addicted to
alcohol and street or prescription drugs, then you are looking at a populace
with a minority of non-addicts. This is especially true if you include all the
other mostly unseen addictions such as exercise, sex, work or computer games.
The point being is that to admit to being an nicotine addict is simply to
identify your addiction as nicotine, as opposed to any of these other
addictions. There is no shame or weakness in being addicted to nicotine and
admission as such is just recognition of the facts.
Why is it important to admit to being addicted?
ADMISSION OF ADDICTION IS OF FUNDAMENTAL IMPORTANCE IN THE BATTLE TO BECOME
NICOTINE FREE!
CHAPTER 1 - UNDERSTANDING ADDICTION
One of the psychological ‘defenses’ that goes hand in hand with all
addictions is the process of denial.
IF YOU ARE A NICOTINE ADDICT (and if you are a regular smoker you
almost certainly are) THEN YOU WILL BE AFFECTED BY THE PROCESS OF DENIAL.
There are no words that can adequately express the importance of that
last statement. In fact it is so important to understand that I am going to say
it again:
IF YOU ARE A NICOTINE ADDICT THEN YOU WILL BE AFFECTED BY THE PROCESS OF
DENIAL!
What is denial?
Denial is the method adopted by your unconscious mind to keep you feeding
nicotine to your body.
The easiest way to understand why on earth your own mind is attempting to
get you to poison yourself with nicotine, is to think of it in these terms:
One of the functions of your unconscious mind is to ensure that you go
through life feeling as little discomfort as possible, irrespective of how it
manages to achieve this. Unfortunately, your unconscious mind does
CHAPTER 1 - UNDERSTANDING ADDICTION
not make value judgments. It doesn’t, for instance, say to itself “Mmm..,
I’ve stopped smoking and I’m starting to feel uncomfortable, I would like a
smoke, but I don’t want to risk cancer so I will just tolerate the withdrawal
symptoms until they go away.” If your unconscious was able to make value
judgments of this kind - i.e., I won’t do (a) because it will result in (b),
then no one would have any real difficulty in giving up. When this situation
arises, i.e., when you start to feel the symptoms of nicotine withdrawal, this
is what you can expect from the treacherous little ‘voice’ that is your
unconscious:
Firstly, your unconscious will notice your discomfort. It will then compare
your feelings of discomfort to the memory bank of feelings stored in your mind,
and will decide on what it believes to be the source of your discomfort. In no
time at all it will figure out that the last time you felt these negative
feelings you were able to relieve them by having a cigarette. Having found the
simple solution to your problems, it will send a message to your conscious
mind. That message is likely to be “Have a smoke”. The problem now lies with
the conflict that arises between your conscious and unconscious mind. By the
time you get to the stage of feeling withdrawal, you have already consciously
made the decision that you are never going to smoke again. This is when the
real battle begins. Before we look at this whole battle process, let me tell
you some more about this destructive unconscious ‘voice’.
This ‘voice’ is generally stronger and more determined than your conscious
mind - a lot stronger and a lot more determined. For this reason
when you first hear this ‘voice’ telling you to smoke, you will need to
immediately be on your guard. Here’s why -
When you first stop smoking your conscious mind will start of with a high
level of motivation to carry through your resolve not to smoke. Now, all would
be well if your little ‘voice’ was to agree with your decision to stop,
and think: “Fair enough, I’ll just not smoke.” However, let me assure you
that is never, ever, going to happen. Like a spoilt brat, this little ‘voice’
will then resort to all sorts of mental trickery in order that you feed it the
nicotine that it so desperately wants. In fact, it will resort to levels of
deception so low and cunning, that at first you will hardly believe it
possible. Here is a typical conscious / unconscious
dialogue:
U: = Unconscious
C: = Conscious
C: “Oh, oh, I am starting to feel cravings”
U: “I’ll have a smoke”
C: “No I have stopped, I must be strong”
(Your unconscious may then wait until the craving becomes a bit stronger
then:)
U: “I’ll have a smoke now, I can stop again tomorrow.”
C: “No, I mustn’t, I haven’t really given it a proper go.”
(Your unconscious might then wait until you are a
bit
more vulnerable, say a few hours later when you
have
just had a cup of tea and you are really gasping for a
smoke, then:)
U: “I’ll just have this one cigarette with my tea, I never really had
a proper ‘last’ cigarette.”
Some people may relapse at this stage and will decide to smoke. For those
with stronger resolve the conversation may continue along these
lines:
C: “No, I will try to stick it out a bit longer.”
(Your unconscious may wait until you are more vulnerable, say maybe two
days later when perhaps the cravings feel quite intense)
U: “Huh, they told me that this would get easier but it’s getting
harder; sod the lot of them, I am going to have a smoke.”
C: “No, wait a minute, I really do have to give it my best shot, I’ll get
through this bad patch soon enough.”
(Your unconscious may then do one of several things. For instance it may
allow you to feel almost no negative feelings for a couple of days and
then when you are feeling good about how strong you have been and how easy’ it
has been, feed you with this almost classic line:)
U: “See, I knew that I could give up smoking easily, in fact it was so easy
I am pretty sure I could have a smoke now and stop again with no bother. Yeah,
I think I’ll celebrate with a final cigarette.”
(You would be shocked by the number of people who have been suckered by
that line!)
If, by this stage, you still have not succumbed to the little ‘voice’ then
it will simply become even more devious. Remember, the sole purpose in life of
this little ‘voice’ is to get you to smoke and it has no qualms about how it
achieves this goal.
The next trick up its sleeve will probably be to convince your conscious
mind that the pain of withdrawal is actually much worse than it really is. (You
will be looking at this pain issue in some depth in the next section.) Your
unconscious will also try to confuse you by allowing the feelings of both
tiredness and hunger to masquerade as withdrawal:
U: (After a long and tiring day) “I’m absolutely exhausted and I’m gasping,
I’m going to have a smoke, I’ll stop again at the beginning of the month when
my work schedule isn’t as hectic.”
Again, many people will drop out at this (or a similar) point. On and on
this little ‘voice’ goes, relentlessly pursuing its perverted goal. In reality,
it is actually even worse than I can describe here because its repertoire of
excuses or justifications is almost infinite. If all the above fails to achieve
its aim, then it can resort to tactics such as attributing just about anything
negative that happens to you, to giving up smoking. Say, for example, that you
are a salesperson. You have been off cigarettes for three days and you have had
a bad day selling. The little ‘voice’ in your head starts to tell you that “I
just can’t sell as well when I don’t have my cigarettes to help me
concentrate.”
Now, you may think this believable, until you consider that there is
normally a bad day or two every week, irrespective of whether you smoke or not.
The reality is that this may well be just one of those days - nothing at all to
do with whether or not you have smoked! Again, it is just this little ‘voice’
in full trickery mode.
Another way the ‘voice’ operates is to have you constantly focus on your
pain. Say, for example you develop a headache. The little ‘voice’ will get you
to focus on it to such an extent that you will believe that it is the worst
headache of your life and that the only thing that will get rid of it will be
to have a smoke. Again, it is simply an illusion created by your unconscious,
in order to get you to smoke.
Given the deviousness and subtlety of your little ‘voice’, you will need to
learn how to become aware of the true level of any pain you might feel (mental
or physical), how to recognize and respond to its manipulations, and how to say
“no” to its thousand and one reasons for why you should smoke again.
You will learn how to do this a little further on, but first, let’s go back
to the big question!
ARE YOU A NICOTINE ADDICT?
In order to answer this question we first of all need to establish a
definition for addiction. Before we look at this definition I would ask you to
try and empty your mind of any preconceived notions that you may have of
addiction, and to come to this question with an open mind.
As part of an assignment I was writing many years ago at university, I had
to study several definitions of addiction and to finally settle on the one that
would be the most useful to use as a model for actually working with
addicts. The definition that I finally settled on is the one used by the World
Health Organization. It states (simplified) that an addict is anyone who
suffers physical and / or psychological negative effects when the substance
they are using is withdrawn, to the extent where they would feel relief if
given more of the substance.
CHAPTER 1 - UNDERSTANDING ADDICTION
If we are to use this definition here then it should be easy enough to
Establish whether or not you are a nicotine addict.
What follows is a simple questionnaire, which you need to answer as
honestly as possible with either a yes or a no:
1 HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO STOP BEFORE AND FAILED?
2 HAVE YOU EVER FELT PANICKY WHEN YOU COULDN’T GET A CIGARETTE?
3 HAVE YOU EVER FELT NICOTINE WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS?
4 HAVE YOU EVER USED CIGARETTES TO CALM YOUR NERVES IN
A CRISIS?
5 HAVE YOU EVER FELT RELIEF ON LIGHTING UP A CIGARETTE?
6 HAVE YOU EVER HAD A CIGARETTE IMMEDIATELY AFTER GETTINGOUT OF BED IN
THE MORNING?
7 HAVE YOU EVER SAID THAT YOU WERE ADDICTED TO SMOKING?
8 DO YOU USUALLY EAT A LOT MORE WHEN YOU QUIT SMOKING?
9 DO YOU EXPERIENCE A FEELING OF ‘HOLLOWNESS’ IN YOUR CHEST IF YOU
HAVEN’T SMOKED FOR A WHILE?
10 DOES THE THOUGHT OF STOPPING SMOKING SOMETIMES SCARE YOU?
11 DO YOU EVER DOUBT YOUR ABILITY TO STAY STOPPED?
12 HAVE YOU EVER STOPPED BEFORE, ONLY TO LET THAT LITTLE ‘VOICE’ TALK YOU
INTO SMOKING AGAIN?
13 DO YOU FEEL BAD ABOUT BEING A SMOKER?
14 DO YOU EVER SMOKE TO HELP YOU CONCENTRATE?
15 HAVE YOU EVER USED HELP TO TRY AND STOP
SMOKING?
(Hypnotism, books, nicotine gum, patches etc.)
Now count the total number of times you answered yes.
Finished? Ok then, now, I’m not going to tell you that if you answered
“yes” to so many questions then you are a nicotine addict and if you answered
“no” to so many then you are not. This questionnaire is designed to be an
awareness exercise to enable you to realise (if you don’t already) that you are
an addict. To illustrate this point, take question 15 alone - who other than
someone who had a real problem stopping would need to buy a book to help them?
In fact, who would answer yes to even one of these questions if they didn’t
fall into the category nicotine addict’. You made an unconscious admission of
your addiction as soon as you decided to try this book. In practical terms, the
more of these questions you answered “yes” to, the stronger and more ingrained
your nicotine addiction is likely to be.
This next declaration is important. It is where you are going to
acknowledge to yourself that you are an addict and that you are going to stop
smoking.
When you can agree that you are an addict and that you are going to stop,
then immediately sign the following declaration and move on to the next
section. If you still have difficulty with the concept of being an addict then
take the time to re-read the previous questionnaire and related matter, and
consider your own case in considerable detail, and with an open mind.
It is important for you to see that using the above definition you
really are addicted to nicotine and that an admission as such will close one of
the doors that could well lead to your failure when the going gets a bit tough.
If you don’t admit to your addiction you may find it all too easy to start
smoking again. Sooner or later, through your little ‘voice’, you will tell
yourself that you don’t really have a problem and, therefore, you can smoke now
because you could easily stop any time you wanted to! Be aware that if you have
told yourself this in the past, it hasn’t worked, because you are reading this
book and must (presumably) still be a
smoker!
Denial of your addiction is exactly what your little ‘voice’ wants and
denial is simply setting yourself up for failure!
DECLARATION:
1 I am a nicotine addict.
2 I am going to stop smoking as soon as I finish this
book.
Signed............................
|
Congratulations! Now that you have admitted that you are a nicotine
addict, you are on the road to becoming an ex smoker, but there are a couple of
things more that you need to know about the nature of your addiction:
NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO YOU WILL ALWAYS BE A NICOTINE ADDICT
This may sound like an odd thing to be telling you in a book about
overcoming addiction. However, it is of the utmost importance that you
understand this concept otherwise relapse is waiting for you just around the
corner.
Once you have acquired an addiction you cannot be cured of it. Two years
from now, say, even if you have been totally smoke free for the whole two
years, you might decide to have a smoke. Just the one of course, (yes its that
little ‘voice’ again!) to celebrate say perhaps, the birth of your son. As soon
as nicotine enters your body the whole addiction process which you have managed
to put to sleep for two years, is suddenly reactivated. On finishing that
cigarette you will find that two hours later you feel like having another one.
Now the little ‘voice’ that had been lying more or less dormant for the last
two years, save for a few token appearances at vulnerable or celebratory times,
suddenly shakes itself awake, and in no time at all is going at full strength.
The conscious / unconscious dialogue begins all over again:
U: “Well, I know I said I’d only have the one but it’s a really special
occasion. I’ll smoke up until midnight tonight and then I’ll stop again.”
Yeah, right!
This could happen after twenty, or forty years never mind two! So what is
the solution? Well actually the solution is quite simple. Within the first
month or two after stopping, you will notice your little ‘voice’ has begun to
quiet down. With every passing day the ‘voice’ will become not only less
frequent, but also less intense. After these first couple of months, staying
stopped will no longer be a problem that you need to make an strenuous effort
to overcome, except, perhaps for the very odd occasion when you are feeling
particularly tired, hungry, angry, happy, lonely, stressed or otherwise
vulnerable. Even then the ‘voice’ will probably only make a small token
appearance, but only
PROVIDED THAT YOU DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES ALLOW YOUR BODY TO INGEST
NICOTINE.
Or, to put it another way, provided that you do not smoke. Not ever,
not ‘just this one’, not a pipe, or a cigar, or a ‘joint’, or even a single
draw of a low tar cigarette.
If nicotine gets into your system at all, you may well be heading straight
back to square one. I realize that this sounds terribly daunting and may make
you feel that you are about to engage in a lifelong and difficult battle. In
one sense you are going to be engaged in this battle for life, because as I
mentioned earlier, there is no permanent cure for nicotine addiction.
However, you can rest easy, because after you have succeeded in your
initial battle with your little ‘voice’, and it becomes dormant, you will never
really have any difficulty staying stopped. The worst you can expect is the
occasional light pang, provided of course that you do not put any nicotine into
your body in any shape or form.
Before we move on to the next section, let’s take a brief look at what you
have covered so far. First of all you learned that most people suffer from one
form of addiction or another and that there is no shame or weakness in being
addicted to nicotine. You learned that denial is an integral part of your
addiction and that it involves your unconscious mind trying to get you to
smoke, in order that you don’t feel the pain of withdrawal. You also discovered
that your denial doesn’t care about how it achieves its aim, and that it will
create and feed invalid excuses to your conscious mind.
You admitted that you were an addict and signed a declaration to that
effect, and you agreed to stop smoking when you finish this book. You learned
that you will always be an addict but that after a couple of months your
addiction will cause you little or no problem, provided that you never let
nicotine get into your body.
In the next chapter you are going to be looking at pain, and how your
little ‘voice’ will be using pain as its primary weapon!
CHAPTER 2 - DEALING WITH PAIN
When I use the word pain in this book I am referring not just to physical
pain, ie., the type that makes you go “ow”, but also to psychological pain.
Pain that includes anger, jealousy, grief, despair, loneliness, guilt,
resentment, fear, sadness, depression and hate. These forms of emotional pain
are the ones most likely to weaken your initial resolve to stop smoking and
create for you, through that little ‘voice’, the excuse you need (or more
accurately, want) to start smoking again.
Why do you need to examine pain?
The answer to this question is that each of us has a pain threshold that is
unique to ourselves. This threshold is partly established at birth and partly
acquired by our experiences as we go through life. Once this threshold has been
exceeded, we will allow ourselves to operate outside the normal boundaries of
our personalities. For example, most of us has at some time or another promised
to keep a secret and have been strong in our resolve. Had this resolve been
threatened by physical or emotional pain however, it may soon have crumbled.
The likelihood of you keeping a secret will always be in direct relation to the
amount of pain that you have to endure. If you were being asked to tell your
secret by someone who was giving you gentle slaps on the back of your hand for
a period of ten minutes, you would probably have little or no
difficulty in keeping
quiet.
If, however, you were being burnt at regular intervals with red hot
pokers over a period of weeks, it is extremely likely that you would tell your
torturers whatever they wanted to know, (and probably a whole lot more!) and to
hell with your original resolve! An extreme example, granted, but it does
clearly illustrate the link between pain, and failure to keep a resolution. If
you view this pain / failure link in the context of stopping smoking, then it
becomes clear that in order to increase your chances of staying stopped, you
will need to look at how you can reduce all the areas of pain and potential
pain in your life. Let’s start now by taking a look at pain itself. Pain is one
of the areas in your life where your little ‘voice’ has a lot of control and
when you stop smoking your little ‘voice’ will steer you towards focusing on
any emotional or physical pain that you might have. It will try to convince you
that this pain is almost unbearable and of course that the pain is there
because you are not smoking and therefore you should have a smoke! (Just the
one of course!) Back in the land of reality it transpires that almost every day
brings some level of emotional or physical pain for most people.
Perhaps in the form of a headache, or a row at the office, or a final
demand from the gas board. Perhaps a disagreement with your mother, or a
touch of arthritis, or a bad cold. Maybe a sleepless night or a pulled muscle.
It could be an embarrassing Freudian slip, or a wasp sting or, a bad report
from your daughters school. Perhaps a whisper about job losses at your factory,
or a missed promotion - and so on and so on. This list is but a very small
sample of all the potential areas for pain in your life and it could be
extended almost indefinitely. It is sad but unfortunately true, that for most
of us, a lot of the time, life can be quite painful in one way or another.
Stopping smoking will not make life any tougher, but at the start it will make
you feel a little more vulnerable. This in turn will make you suddenly focus on
all this negative everyday pain. Once again your little ‘voice’ will step in
and it will try to tell you that life wasn’t this tough before you stopped
smoking. Of course it was - most of the time you simply didn’t notice!
Now then, how can all this information can be of use to you? If you become
aware of the fact that you are going to be feeling a little vulnerable
for a short period of time, then you are going to be in a much better position
to be able to deal effectively with any pain that comes your way, without
having to resort to smoking.
Let’s look again at one of the prices that you earlier agreed to pay:
You said that you were prepared to feel at least some pain. That’s good,
because when you start to feel some withdrawal discomfort, (which you will) you
do not have to panic, get things out of perspective, and end up smoking. You
can simply monitor your discomfort and tell yourself that:
THIS DISCOMFORT IS THE PRICE I HAVE AGREED TO PAY TO BECOME A NON SMOKER.
Once you have agreed that you are prepared to tolerate a little
discomfort, you will find that you can effectively manage this discomfort by
using the techniques put forward later on in this book. You can further lessen
your pain by learning to view it from outside the context of that little
‘voice’. That ‘voice’ will be telling you all the time that your discomfort is
unbearable and that you would be better off smoking. The pain however, is not
at all unbearable, but for the most part it is an illusion created by the
little ‘voice’ of your unconscious. You can actually measure your discomfort by
comparing your feelings to a simple pain strength table.
Before using the following table, complete a head to toe scan of yourself
in order to monitor how much pain you are in.
Here’s how to do it. When you first feel the pangs of withdrawal ask
yourself what exactly it is that you are feeling.
The following is a list of commonly reported symptoms of nicotine
withdrawal and it is very likely that your symptoms will be amongst them.
A FEELING OF ‘EMPTINESS’ IN THE CHEST
A FEELING OF HUNGER
A FEELING OF TIREDNESS
A HEADACHE
A DRY MOUTH
A CONFUSED FEELING
A TENDENCY TOWARDS IRRITABILITY
A FEELING OF HELPLESSNESS OR WEAKNESS
These symptoms make up the bulk of the feelings you may experience as part
of your withdrawal. In addition, because we are all so unique in our physical
and psychological construction, you may of course feel symptoms other than
those mentioned here. Also, because of our uniqueness these symptoms will be
felt by each person to a different degree, so if you happen to be one of the
lucky ones, they may present you with absolutely no difficulty at all. However,
if you are like most people you will probably feel one or more of these
symptoms and when you do, you can compare each one to the following table:
1 NO PAIN AT ALL
2 ALMOST NO PAIN
3 A LITTLE PAIN
4 PAINFUL
5 VERY PAINFUL
6 EXTREMELY PAINFUL
7 ABSOLUTELY UNBEARABLE
Here’s how to use the body check and pain strength table:
OK, say for example that you stopped smoking two hours ago and you begin to
feel the symptoms of nicotine withdrawal. What should you do?
The first thing you need to do is to complete the head to toe body check to
see exactly where the problem lies. A typical body check would be something
like this:
HEAD
- A bit sore.
NECK
- OK.
ARMS
- OK.
CHEST
- A very empty, hollow sort of feeling.
ABDOMEN - A kind of hungry
feeling.
LEGS
- A tired feeling and a bit shaky
FEET
- OK.
MENTAL STATE - A bit confused and a bit
angry,
feeling a little panicky.
Now, what you need to do is to take each symptom separately and compare it
to the pain strength table. I can absolutely guarantee that once you think
honestly about it, you will be surprised at just how low you register each
symptom on this table. For instance, one of the most common withdrawal symptoms
that leads to failure is that feeling of ‘emptiness’ in the chest. If you are
unaware of the tricks of your little ‘voice’ and have not thought consciously
about just how bad this discomfort really is, then in no time at all you can
lose the true perspective, start to believe that you are in agony, and throw in
the towel. If, however, you do have an awareness of this little ‘voice’s’
tendency to make you focus on your symptoms, and you look at your pain
realistically, (by means of the body scan and pain chart) you will soon
discover that the pain really is for the most part an illusion. You may well
find that what at first appears to be a vast, unbearable emptiness raging
within your lungs, when critically examined, turns out in fact to be nothing
more unpleasant than a feeling similar to hunger, or, perhaps, like a slight
pressure on your sternum. This illusory effect applies to all of your symptoms
and all you need to do to overcome this illusion is to think about each symptom
as it occurs, and measure it on the pain chart in order to see it for what it
really is.
If you do this exercise as honestly as possible, you will find that you
rarely encounter a pain or discomfort that registers above ‘a bit
painful’. If this turns out to be your experience, as is likely, then you
will be depriving your little ‘voice’ of the central focus of its power. That
is, the illusion that you are in so much discomfort that you should start
smoking again. If, however, you are one of the few individuals who have an
exceptionally low tolerance for discomfort, (and of course your little
‘voice’ will no doubt try to convince you that you have the lowest pain
threshold of anyone who ever lived!) then fear not, for all is not lost! If you
discover in assessing your pain honestly, that you are continually registering
in the very painful or unbearable areas of the pain level chart, then you still
have a few options open to you. First of all it is important to know this:
NICOTINE CRAVING COMES IN BURSTS OF THREE TO FIVE MINUTES.
Now, I don’t care how unbearable you think your cravings are
because there is almost no one who, if they are serious about stopping
smoking, cannot tolerate three to five minutes of pain or discomfort at a time.
Let’s face it; we are not talking about being run through with flaming swords,
we are talking primarily about feeling ‘empty’ or ‘hungry’ or having a bit of a
headache.
Furthermore, not only do the cravings come in bursts of three to five
minutes, but as time wears on these attacks become less and less frequent and
also less intense. What this means to you is that if you can get over the first
few days, your task will become progressively easier.
Remember that it is not going to be a totally pain free ride, but you have
agreed to pay the price of at least some pain!
Finally, in this section here is some further advice for those who need
even more assistance to deal with these early stages of withdrawal. Keep in
your mind the following saying for when the going gets rough. It is a saying
used by recovering addicts and alcoholics all over the world, when they feel
that they are starting to waver. The saying is simply this:
“THIS TOO, SHALL PASS”
You will find that the bad times always pass. You also now know that it is
not always going to be tough, just every now and again and for short periods.
Always remember that after the first few days, with each passing hour, you are getting
further and further away from your addiction and its symptoms, and continually
closer to being a symptom free non-smoker.
The final tool to be discussed here is also one used by recovering addicts
and alcoholics the world over. They use this when they find staying abstinent
difficult. It is an expression that most of you will have heard before and it
is this:
“ONE DAY AT A TIME”
This method has proved its worth time and time again and it works like
this:
When you feel yourself starting to struggle and your little ‘voice’ seems
to be operating on overdrive, tell yourself that:
“NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS I WILL NOT SMOKE FOR TWENTY FOUR HOURS”
At first glance this might seem like a license to smoke after
twenty-four hours, but of course it doesn’t quite work like that. First of all,
after twenty-four hours you may not be in such a negative mood, or you may no
longer be feeling any withdrawal symptoms and, therefore, might not want to
smoke. Furthermore, all you have to do at the end of twenty-four hours is to
make another resolution not to smoke for the next twenty-four hours. At first
glance this may seem to be a bit daft, but on closer examination it makes a lot
of sense. Many of us could tolerate things for twenty-four hours that would
seem impossible to consider for a lifetime. If you put yourself in the position
where no matter what happens you will not smoke for the next twenty four hours,
then soon enough you will have strung together enough days to take you far
enough away from your Withdrawal to allow you to succeed.
OK, let’s now take a quick look at what you have learned in this chapter:
First of all, you learned that there are different types of pain and that
each of us has a different pain threshold. You then explored the link between
excessive pain and starting smoking again, and how that
little ‘voice’ will try to force you to focus intensely on everyday
pain, with a view to weakening you to the point of smoking. Next, you were
reminded that you had agreed to tolerate at least a little discomfort in the
short term and how to actually lessen any discomfort by getting things into
perspective. You were shown how to do this by completing a simple body scan,
and comparing your symptoms to a pain level chart, where you discovered that
your pain is nowhere near as severe as you first thought.
If you discovered that you still couldn’t tolerate the discomfort, you then
learned that the actual cravings only ever became really intense for periods of
between three and five minutes, and that you could deal with this inconvenience
by the knowledge that it would soon pass, because it always does. You also
learned that you could tolerate the milder cravings which are often present by
agreeing to accept them as part of the price for becoming a non smoker and by
living ‘just for today.’
CHAPTER 3 - DEALING WITH YOUR UNCONSCIOUS
In this chapter you are going to continue looking at the little ‘voice’ and
some of its more common tactics and learn how you can be ready to take control
when it tries to convince you that you need to
smoke.
What you are going to do now is to look in some depth at the little ‘voice’
and prepare yourself for the battle that will begin within a couple of hours of
stopping smoking. Actually, your little ‘voice’ will now know of your
intentions to stop smoking and will already be trying to put obstacles in your
way! You may, for instance, have had thoughts while reading this book along the
lines of “I’ll read this book now, but I won’t stop until the end of the month
in order that the information can sink in.” Or perhaps “Oh dear, I don’t like
the thought of all this self-analysis stuff, perhaps I should just try nicotine
patches instead. Yeah, that’s it, I’ll buy a supply at the end of the month.”
Again, if you listen to this little ‘voice’ you are doomed to failure. The
only realistic way of stopping smoking is to put this little ‘voice’ in its
place by agreeing to pay the price of some discomfort, making a resolution to
stop smoking straight away, stopping, and finally, staying stopped, no matter
what happens.
Here is an analogy from my own life that helps to illustrate the
effectiveness of carrying on with a resolution in spite of feeling discomfort:
When I was running a charity in Belfast for recovering addicts, we
regularly entered the Belfast / Dublin Maracycle, a two hundred mile cycle over
two days. At the forty-mile point in this cycle there is a mountain to cross,
and one stretch of road by the name of Newry Hill, is very steep and climbs for
about two miles. Each of the first three years that I’d participated, I had
simply cycled about a quarter of the way up this hill, got off my bike and
walked up the rest. On the fourth year my good friend Arty Magill called me
aside at the start of the Maracycle and said to me:
“I know how you can get up Newry hill!”
“ Oh really?” I replied with more than a modicum of disbelief. “Yes,” he
replied, “When you reach the bottom of the hill, keep pedaling and no matter
what happens, don’t stop until you get to the top.”
Now as you might imagine I was, at first, none too impressed with this
pearl of wisdom. However, when I actually took the time to think clearly about
what he meant, I discovered that his advice was pretty much faultless. Cycling
that hill was certainly well within my physical capability because, although I
was not particularly fit, I was a young and reasonably strong man and, in the
previous years, I had observed the majority of participants successfully tackle
this hill, and this included many pensioners! When I thought about this a bit
more I realized that the real problem was that on previous occasions I had used
my discomfort (tired legs, a bright red face and panting lungs) as an excuse to
stop and walk. In brief, I had not agreed to pay the price of some discomfort
to achieve this goal, so when the chips where down I simply gave up. On this
forth occasion, however after Artys’ little chat, I decided that when I reached
Newry Hill I would pay the price and keep pedaling no matter what. What actually
happened was that I cycled up that hill with no real difficulty at all. In fact
I stood on the pedals and sprinted the second half of it, having realized that
it was nowhere near as bad as I had let it become in my imagination. This
simple advice turned my whole experience of this hill around. I have since
adapted it to many situations where I knew for certain that if I determinedly
and resolutely followed one specific course of action then it would end with a
specific result.
You could, in fact, use this simple method alone to stop smoking; after
all, you know for certain that if you don’t smoke a cigarette, no matter how
uncomfortable you feel, then eventually all your withdrawal symptoms would
disappear and sooner or later you would become a symptom free non-smoker. This
is exactly the course of action that you will be following, except you will be
equipped with all the tools you will need to help make your journey a much more
tolerable and comfortable one!
Right, now back to the little ‘voice’: The first thing you need to know is
that this ‘voice’ is not going to sound any different to you than your normal
everyday thoughts. That being the case, how then can you tell if it is your
conscious or unconscious mind that is producing your thoughts? Well, the answer
is quite simple. You made a conscious decision to stop smoking. There is never,
ever, going to be a valid reason to reverse this decision, therefore, any
thoughts that you have in relation to smoking again must be ones deliberately
generated by your unconscious in the form of the little ‘voice’, in order that
you may avoid feeling pain or discomfort. So, all you have to do is to notice
if you are making any excuse at all to start smoking again and, if you are, you
can be sure it is your little ‘voice’ that is responsible.
Simple eh?
I would like you to look at the list below of some of the more common
justifications for starting smoking again, many of which you may well
experience. I will also give you examples of how to answer these negative thoughts,
and with a little practice you will find that recognizing and dealing with this
little ‘voice’ can become quite easy. These are some of the most commonly
experienced thoughts that can lead to relapse:
1 “I’ll just have this one and then I’ll stop again.”
This is by far the most often used excuse in order to alleviate the
discomfort of withdrawal. Unfortunately, it almost always results in the
permanent resumption of smoking because once nicotine has been reintroduced to
your system; it is like starting back at square one again. The cravings after
this one cigarette will return to being as strong as when you first stopped
smoking, and the little ‘voice’ will have all of its original determination. In
this situation it is all too easy to delude yourself into agreeing that you may
as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb. Even this process of failure is
usually split into stages in order to lessen the blow to your ego. For example,
you may start by telling yourself that you will “just have the one smoke” and
then you may change that to “just smoking for the rest of the day” and then
“until the end of the week”, by which time of course you will have little or no
resolve left at all. No, the only way to avoid this trap is this:
DON’T SMOKE A SINGLE CIGARETTE.
Or even one drag of a cigarette, for any reason at
all.
So, when you hear this little ‘voice’ telling you to “take just one”, (and
believe me, you will) have your reply ready “No - it is not worth it, it will
almost certainly lead to my failure.”
2 “ I feel like I am going to pieces, I will stop some other time.”
This, too, is a common ‘justification’ and leads to the failure of many.
First of all, stopping at “some other time” is likely to feel just as
uncomfortable as it does now, and, therefore, you are simply deluding yourself
in order to avoid this present discomfort. Secondly, it is highly unlikely that
you will “fall to pieces” and it is very likely that if you sit tight through
this period you will find that it will pass quite quickly - remember the saying
used by addicts the world over:
“This too, shall pass.”
Finally, remember that you did agree to pay the price of some
discomfort in order to achieve your goal of becoming a non smoker. This
short-term discomfort is in reality, a very small price to pay.
When you hear your ‘little voice’ telling you that you are falling apart
and that you will stop some other time reply:
“There is no other time that will be better than now. I am simply going
through a temporary rough patch, and it will pass”
3 “I have had a terrible day at work, I will have a smoke.”
No matter how bad things were at work smoking is never going to make them
any better. You already know that whether or not you are a smoker you are
always going to encounter some bad days - that’s life, and there is simply no
avoiding this fact. It is unrealistic to imagine that taking a cigarette will
change anything, other than changing you from being a successful non-smoker
into a smoking failure. When you hear the little voice telling you that you
deserve a smoke after such a hard day, reply
“No, I know that life is sometimes hard and this is just one of those days.
I will not smoke because smoking will not solve anything and, in fact, it will
probably make me feel like a failure. This day is OK, because no matter what
else has happened, I haven’t smoked and that makes me both strong and
successful.”
4 “I am angry and I am taking it out on my kids and husband, they don’t deserve
this. I am going to smoke.
What they really don’t deserve is to be visiting you in hospital, dying
from some smoking related illness. They don’t deserve to be subjected to
passive smoking and your children don’t deserve to be given the role model that
smoking is OK. If your concern is really for your family then the fact that
they might have to tolerate you being grumpy for a short while is of little
consequence. When you hear the little voice telling you that your family is
suffering, reply:
“This is a short term situation, they will suffer far more in the long run
if I start smoking again.”
5 “I am putting on too much weight. If I start smoking again my weight
will return to normal.”
Because this is an excuse frequently used by people to start smoking again
(particularly women) the next section of this book concentrates on stopping
smoking without gaining weight. There is no reason at all to gain weight if you
do not want to. Even if you do not follow the advice for maintaining your
current weight, you will probably find that any weight gain is temporary and
that after a few months your weight will return to normal. As compared to the
benefits of stopping smoking, this whole business of potential weight gain
should be regarded as a fairly minor and totally manageable
affair.
When you hear the little ‘voice’ telling you that smoking is the solution
to any weight gain reply:
“No, this weight gain is temporary and I can avoid weight gain by following
the advice given in this book.”
6 “I’ll only smoke when I’m out in the pub with my friends.”
This is an area where you need to be particularly on your guard. Once you
have consumed even a little alcohol your original resolve will be reduced enormously
and the little ‘voice’ will immediately take advantage of your weakened
condition. Many, many, ex smokers start smoking again when they go to the pub,
or take a few drinks at home. There is also a
direct correlation between how much you drink and how likely you are to
start smoking again - the more drinks the greater the risk of relapse. It is
very important to emphasize here the link between drinking alcohol and resuming
smoking. Every time you go to the pub or take a few drinks you are putting yourself
in a potential relapse situation. There are, of course, things that you can do
in order to reduce this risk. You could simply stop drinking for as long as it
takes for you to be certain that you are not at risk of smoking again.
So strong is the link between drinking alcohol and smoking that temporary
total abstinence is the course of action that I recommend. However, I do
realize that this might, for some of you, seem like a mammoth task to undertake
in addition to not smoking. So if you feel that you really do have to drink or
go to pubs, there are still things that you can do in order to minimize the
risk of starting smoking again:
You could stay of alcohol for the first two weeks.
You could drink less frequently than normal.
You could go to the pub and drink soft drinks for a few weeks.
You could drink less alcohol each time you go out. (Or in the home.)
You could ask your social partners to encourage you not to smoke when
you are out.
You could ask your partner or a good friend to phone you when you are
out to check on your progress and offer you support.
Remember, all of these actions are temporary. Soon enough, usually within a
couple of months, you will be strong enough to handle most situations without
this high level of support, and without smoking.
So, if your little ‘voice’ tells you to smoke when you are socializing with
a few drinks, reply:
“No, I don’t need to smoke in order to socialize and if I don’t smoke now,
then soon enough I won’t miss smoking at all.”
7 “Oh, I don’t give a damn, I am going to smoke and to hell with the
consequences.”
Perhaps this little tactic should have been mentioned at the very beginning
of this list. Without doubt it is the one thought that sooner or later you are
going to encounter. This is the most powerful of all the weapons in your little
‘voice’s’ armory.
Your unconscious knows that if you start to think about whether or not you
should smoke, (particularly now that you are now in possession of all the
information in this book) then you are almost certainly going to come to the
decision to stick it out and not smoke.
So what does your little ‘voice’ do then? Easy - if your new found
knowledge leads you to decide not to smoke then your unconscious tricks you
into not accessing this knowledge. You are told by it to disregard everything
you know in order that you make a bad decision - a decision based not at all on
logic but purely on feeling.
Simplified, it goes like this:
“I am in pain, a smoke will take away my pain, don’t think about anything
else, just take a smoke.”
This tactic is a real killer and you need to be particularly aware of
it in order to stand a good chance of defeating it. When you hear your mind
thinking anything along the “I don’t care” lines, then be ready to respond.
Tell yourself:
“ I might not feel like I care right now, but this is a temporary feeling.
Smoking now would ruin everything. I realize that the little ‘voice’ is trying
to get me and I will not give in to it!”
There are going to be many situations where your little ‘voice’ will try to
get to you, and the real secret of defeating it is to regard it as your worst
enemy.
Approach this whole affair as though it is a personal battle between you
and this little ‘voice’, and that your life depends on you defeating it. The reality
is that in many ways your life does depend on you succeeding. You may find it
extremely helpful to think of this little voice as someone you know and who you
really don’t like. Imagine that every time you hear it trying to get you to
smoke, it is that person you dislike, trying to get the better of you.
It also helps to congratulate yourself each time that you recognize and
defeat this ‘voice’. Put a piece of paper on a convenient wall and a little
tick on it each time you win a battle with this ‘voice’. You will then be able
to see just how often it raises its ugly head. This little ‘voice’ can become
easy to defeat with practice, once, that is, you become aware of it, and are
determined not to let it sucker you into smoking. You have now reached a point
of understanding where you are nearly ready to begin this whole battle process
with your unconscious. You have become
aware of the fact that you are a nicotine addict and that not feeding your
addiction causes you discomfort.
You have learned that your unconscious will try all sorts of tricks in
order to get you to ease this discomfort by smoking. These tricks include
feeding your conscious mind excuses and getting you to focus on your pain in
order that you come to believe that it is more intense than it actually is. You
have learned how to tell the difference between your conscious and unconscious
‘voices’ and how to analyze your pain in order to put it into perspective.
You have also learned that heavy withdrawal never lasts more than a few
minutes at a time and you now know that these rough patches always pass. If you
happen to be particularly sensitive to discomfort, then you now know that you
can live ‘one day at a time’ or even one hour at a time if needs be. You are
also aware that there is never any valid reason for smoking again and that
there are going to be times when you are particularly vulnerable.
All you need to do now is to set up a suitable support structure and you
will be ready to begin stopping.
The next chapter will deal with this support issue and show you what
you need to do in order to build up enough support to allow you to succeed.
CHAPTER 4 - CREATING SUPPORT STRUCTURES
This next statement is of fundamental importance:
YOU WILL STAND A MUCH GREATER CHANCE OF SUCCEEDING IF YOU USE ALL OF THE
FOLLOWING SUPPORT STRATEGIES!
Using support has always been a stumbling block for people trying to tackle
their addictions. Addicts, by their very nature, have a strong Tendency to
resist support and I have lost count of the times that I have seen addicts
relapse because of their reluctance to utilize available assistance. Curious
indeed, when you consider that this reluctance can sometimes cost addicts their
lives. There are several reasons why an addict may refuse to use support and it
is important that you look at Some of these reasons here. If you are one of
those people who cringe at the thought of asking for help, you may benefit from
exploring the reasons behind your reluctance. Receiving adequate support will
in many cases mean the difference between success and failure.
Probably the most common reason for not asking for support is this:
YOU DO NOT WANT TO APPEAR
WEAK
Western society has a tendency to socialize its citizens
into believing that it is wrong to ask for help, and fosters the belief that
individuals should be able to manage on their own. This misconception is in
fact quite often the opposite of the reality - it takes strength of character
to ask for help and a mature and realistic awareness of ones own personal
limitations. Those who are strong enough to ask for help clearly demonstrate a
strength of character and commitment to successfully achieving their goals that
is missing in those who are too worried about what others may think of them.
A second common reason for not wanting to ask for support is this:
Addicts tend to think that they don’t really need support and that they can
manage well on their own.
If you are one of these addicts then consider this - If you know best and
don’t need that level of support, how come you are still smoking? There is
obviously something missing from your game plan. Your attempts to stop smoking
without support have not worked, otherwise you would not be still trying to
find a way to stop. Consider this next question carefully if you are a nicotine
addict, and feel that you don’t really need support:
What if it is only this missing support that has prevented you from
succeeding in the past?
Surely using all available support has got to be worth a try!
A third reason why addicts may be reluctant to seek support:
Addicts have a greater than average tendency to be ‘people pleasers’, and
don’t want to ask for assistance in case the person they ask regards them as a
bit of a nuisance. They also might be afraid that the person they ask to help
them may say no, and then they would have to deal with the discomfort of
feeling rejected. They worry about all of this and then come to the conclusion
that they don’t really need help and that they will manage well on their own.
Let me make it clear now - if you are one of these people you are simply
deluding yourself in order to avoid discomfort. Yes, it’s that little ‘voice’
again trying to keep you from feeling discomfort, and to hell with the price
you have to pay!
The key message here is that if you are reluctant to seek support that’s
OK, it is a normal enough reaction, but don’t let your discomfort stop you from
asking, because to do so is to severely reduce your chances of Succeeding.
Everyone who is addicted to nicotine needs support to help them Overcome
their addiction and to think that you are an exception to this rule is to fall
foul of your own denial. If you find yourself thinking that you will be
regarded as weak for asking for help, remember, it is the weak Who are afraid
to ask for help. They are afraid of what others may think. It is the strong who
ask for help, showing a strength of character that allows them to ask in spite
of what others may think.
If you find yourself thinking that you know best and that you can manage
just as well on your own, ask yourself this question: “If I am so smart and so
self supporting, how come I’m still a smoker?”
If you find yourself thinking that you don’t want to be a nuisance, promise
yourself that you will feel the discomfort and ask for support anyway. You know
that if the person you are asking is any kind of friend at all they will be
only too glad to help you, After all, if they were to ask you, wouldn’t you be
supportive of them?
Of course you would. Wouldn’t you be flattered that you were the person
they chose to trust with something that could mean the difference between life
and death? As you have probably gathered by now, using all the following
support structures is of the utmost importance and there is no good reason not
to, despite what your little ‘voice’ tries to tell you!
Just before you look at the following strategies, take note that you
do not need to remember or act on them straight away. In the end section of the
book, they will all be summarized in the form of a simple to follow ‘battle
plan’.
Know this for certain:
If you choose to use all of the support structures you can be absolutely
certain that you will become an ex smoker. If you do not, then you may well
smoke again. You have been warned!
The following strategies will, if utilized, make failing to stop smoking
even more difficult than succeeding!
CHAPTER 5 - SUCCESS STRATEGIES
1 Tell absolutely everyone you know, that you have stopped smoking and tell
them that this time you have it conquered. Tell them, also, that you know
that you will never smoke again and if you ever do, you will be a fool.
Better still, tell any rivals, or Enemies, or work colleagues who you don’t get
on too well with!
You don’t need to be a psychologist to work out the reasoning behind this
ploy. The more people you tell and the more determined you appear to them to
become a non-smoker, then the more difficult it will be for you to start
smoking again. Sometimes, when the going gets rough, the thought of losing face
in front of a work colleague, or your mum, or your boss, may be the thing that
keeps you from smoking until that particular bad patch passes. The same logic
applies to telling a rival or enemy. The effect is even more pronounced because
the loss of face appears even more severe. You may, of course, feel frightened
to take this course of action in case you do fail, but if this thought of
losing face does frighten you, then what better incentive to stay stopped? Go
on. Make that commitment!
2 Ask all of your friends, colleagues and relations to support you by
firstly, taking you seriously and secondly, by never offering you a cigarette.
Again, the value of this tactic is self evident, If your associates don’t
take you seriously then it makes it easier for you to relapse in their
presence. A word of warning here. Some of you will find that no matter how much
you implore some people to support you, they will not take you seriously. Some
individuals may actually even encourage you to smoke again. These individuals
sound uncannily like your little ‘voice’, and their problem may be that they
feel threatened by your resolve to beat your nicotine addiction. They may be
people who have little or no belief in their own ability to stop smoking and
don’t want you to succeed for fear that they will be left behind. They are
clearly, very self interested and should be regarded with the same disdain that
you have for your little ‘voice’. Sometimes these individuals are non smokers
or ex smokers and their problem may well be that they cannot bear to see
someone making good or succeeding at something. Quite often this is because
many such individuals feel bad about themselves and try to compensate for their
negative feelings by trying to drag others down to their level.
An alternative theory as to why these people would act with such blatant
disregard for the welfare of others is that they may be ignorant of the
seriousness of the situation. Although lets face it, if you don’t know by now
that smoking is a ridiculously dangerous and stupid thing to do, then you will
probably never know!
Ask yourself this question if you find someone trying to encourage you to
smoke, and you are wondering if it is because they just don’t know any better:
Would they encourage their own children to smoke?
- I don’t think so!
If you do come across one of these individuals who try to talk you or joke
you into smoking, or if they continue to offer you cigarettes after you have
asked them not to, assert yourself by taking them to one side and telling them
straight that you are deadly serious about stopping, that you expect them to be
a bit more supportive, and if they feel that they still can’t take you
seriously then ask them frankly to stay out of your way. If after all that they
still don’t respond, I think it is safe to say that you have either got
yourself an enemy, or possibly a friend who is just exceptionally stupid!
CHAPTER 5 - SUCCESS STRATEGIES
3 Ask someone you respect and see often, to be your stop smoking
sponsor.
Ask them to check on you twice a day (noon and 8,00pm are good times) to
see how you are getting on. Ask them to read this book or teach them the basic
principles in order that they know best how to offer you support. The knowledge
that your sponsor is going to contact you on a regular basis for the first
couple of weeks will help you to maintain a high level of motivation, and this
will be particularly useful if you encounter any rough times. It is important
to stress to your sponsor just how serious you are, in order that they can
commit themselves to maintaining regular contact with you. If you find that the
person you have chosen is turning out to be unreliable, then quickly choose
someone else in addition to them, because for the first two or three weeks in
particular, this high level of support could mean the difference between
success and failure. Once again I would like to remind you of the importance of
following this guidance. To ignore it because you think you know best or
because it is too much hassle is to plan for failure.
4 On an A4 sheet of paper, draw two lines of seven squares. Divide each
square into four quarters, each quarter to represent a quarter day, for a
period of two weeks. Use a marker to color in each successful quarter day that
you have not smoked, until you reach the end of the two weeks.
Then make a similar chart for the next two weeks, except mark it
in days. At the successful completion of these four weeks (hurray!
your first month) make a chart for one month and mark it in full days. By the completion
of this second month you will find that you no longer need to keep counting the
days, as the vast majority of your symptoms will be at a low level, and many of
them will have gone completely. If, however, you find that you are a low pain
threshold individual and you would like to make another daily chart for the
following month, then please feel free to do so. The bottom line is that the
more support you get, from any source, the more likely you are to succeed.
5. Reward yourself. In your first week reward yourself with a
little treat for every successful day completed.
This could be something like buying your favorite magazine to read in bed
at the end of a successful smoke free day, or a special food, or a favorite
drink at your supper time. It could be, for example, putting the money that you
have saved from not buying cigarettes into a jar, in order
to save for a bigger treat, or perhaps a nice bunch of flowers for
yourself. Anything, in fact, that will remind you that you are a success and as
such deserve these little treats. Treating yourself like this is a good way to
reinforce your initial commitment to stopping smoking by allowing you to feel
like the winner that you have now become.
6 Each night as you go to bed tell yourself out loud:
“Today I have won the battle with my little ‘voice’. I am
strong and successful. Tomorrow I will win the battle also, no matter what
comes my way.”
On getting out of bed each morning tell yourself “Yesterday I
was a success, today I will be a success also, no matter what comes my
way.”
This simple motivational technique will help to ensure that you recognize
just how well you are doing and will encourage you to stay on track on any
given day.
Don’t worry about how you are going to remember all this information. In
the final chapter this entire book will be summarized into a simple, easy to
follow ‘battle plan’ which you can follow in your daily life, until you are
strong enough to go it alone.
7 Do not let yourself get too hungry, angry, lonely or tired.
Any of these four conditions can leave you feeling exceptionally
Vulnerable, even if you have only been exposed to them for a short time. Keep
this in your mind with the help of the acronym H.A.L.T. (Hungry, Angry, Lonely,
Tired.)
Lets take a brief look at each of these conditions separately:
HUNGRY - as mentioned before, the feelings of hunger are remarkably similar
to the feelings of nicotine withdrawal. That being the case, it makes good
sense not to add to these withdrawal feelings by letting yourself get hungry.
ANGRY - When people get angry there is a tendency for two
things to happen. Firstly, rational judgment can disappear and the decision
to not smoke can suddenly no longer seem to be overly important. Secondly,
angry people are stressed people and there is barely a smoker alive who doesn’t
automatically reach for a cigarette when feeling stressed. This combination of
high stress and impaired judgment is an obvious a recipe for disaster, Simply
being aware of this potential failing point will go some way towards allowing
you to successfully overcome your anger, without having to resort to smoking.
LONELY - Loneliness is one of the most powerful of our emotions. If you
allow yourself to become lonely or isolated you will run the risk of suffering
from self pity, or ‘the poor me’s’ as it is widely know in the addiction field.
Self pity, just like anger, can lead to a distorted perspective of what is
important, and subsequently you could find yourself saying something like,
“Sure nobody really cares, what’s the point of stopping smoking, aren’t we all
going to die sooner or later anyway?” Again, this is just you little ‘voice’
taking advantage of your temporary vulnerability. In order to avoid this
situation, try to stay around people as much as possible, particularly in the
first two or three weeks.
TIRED - Again, just like hunger, the symptoms of tiredness are remarkably
similar to nicotine withdrawal. Try to rest as often as possible, get plenty of
sleep and take as many early nights as you can, particularly in the first two
or three weeks when you will be at your most vulnerable.
8 Be aware that sometime in the future it is likely that you will
have to face a major crisis.
You may contract a serious illness or be involved in a car accident, you
may suffer the breakdown of a long term relationship or lose your job. Life can
be very cruel sometimes, but no matter what happens to you, you do not need to
smoke. Smoking will not make things better and if you tell yourself that it
will be OK to smoke if a major crisis comes along, then you are doomed to fail.
Life being what it is, you can be sure that sooner or later you will have a
crisis of one sort or another to face.
You need to decide now that if, or when your crisis occurs, you are not
going to smoke.
The value of implementing these support structures cannot be over
emphasized. Setting up and using these structures will certainly result in you
successfully stopping smoking. To ignore them or to choose only the ones you
feel most comfortable with will significantly reduce your chances of becoming a
non-smoker.
Before we move on to look at your stop smoking ‘battle plan’, we need to
address the problem of weight gain that is often associated with stopping
smoking. If the thought of putting on weight is a significant concern for you,
then let me assure you that if any weight gain problems do occur, they can be
sorted out quickly and effectively by using the information in the following
chapter.
CHAPTER 6 - WEIGHT MANAGEMENT
One of the most frequently used excuses for starting smoking again goes
something like this: “Oh, I was doing ever so well, but my weight just soared
and I had to start smoking again before I looked like a beached whale.”
Rubbish! As you now know, there is never any valid reason to resume
smoking. Weight gain may occasionally be an issue, but it is certainly a
resolvable issue.
Just because you stop smoking, it doesn’t necessarily follow that you will
put on weight. There are two factors to be considered here. First of all, your
metabolism. It has been reported that a for a minority of individuals, stopping
smoking can lead to a small change in their metabolic rate. What this means in
layman’s terms is that a little more of the food you eat is converted into fat
and stored on your body. This is obviously not good news for you if you are
concerned about weight gain, but it is not as bad as it might at first appear.
For a start, this phenomenon only occurs in a minority of individuals, and
furthermore the changed metabolic rate is normally quite small. Here is the
main reason that some people put on weight when they stop smoking:
CHAPTER 6 - WEIGHT MANAGEMENT
NICOTINE WITHDRAWAL PRODUCES FEELINGS SIMILAR TO HUNGER!
Hunger is another of those feelings that is under the control of your
little ‘voice’ and it knows, of course, that the solution to the pain of hunger
is to eat.
Lets look at another conscious / unconscious dialogue:
U: (having felt the pain of withdrawal) “Have a smoke”
C: “No I have stopped smoking.”
U: “Look, I am absolutely gasping, have a smoke for goodness sake!”
C: “No chance, I am staying stopped”
U: (realizing that for the time being it is not going to win, starts to
look for alternative pain relieving strategies.)
“Mmmm… this feels very like being hungry, perhaps food will take away
the discomfort - I’ll have something to eat.”
C: (Not having made any resolutions at all with regards to eating, agrees
immediately) “OK.” Off you go to the fridge, only to find that after stuffing
yourself you still have the feeling of withdrawal, which as you know, feels
very similar to hunger. Your unconscious is still not happy of course and so
the whole process starts over again:
Pain
Eat
Still pain
Eat again
Still pain
Eat again
And that’s the way it goes, on and on, until you find yourself the size of
a baby elephant.
The good news is that it doesn’t have to be that way. There is a simple
three-part formula that determines whether or not you put on weight and it is
this:
1 If you consume more calories than you burn off, then you will put on
weight.
2 If you consume the same amount of calories that you burn off then your
weight will remain constant.
3 If you consume less calories than you burn off you will lose weight.
Now with this knowledge to hand it becomes easy to formulate a plan that
will allow you to indulge (if you want to) in filling your stomach when you
feel the pain of withdrawal, without having to suffer the end result of putting
on more weight.
This strategy can take one of two basic forms:
1 Eat more food but without consuming additional
calories, or:
2 Increase the amount of calories that you burn off each day.
Let’s look at strategy 1 first.
You are going to want to eat a lot more, particularly in the early days, so
in order to do this without putting on any weight you have to increase the
amount of food you eat in terms of volume, yet still maintain roughly the same
calorific intake. This is not as difficult to achieve as it sounds. If you
agree to modify your diet from the moment you stop smoking, not only will you
find it possible to maintain your normal weight, but you are almost certainly
going to be benefiting nutritionally.
This is because, (unless you are already particularly fussy about eating
healthily) you are going to improve your diet enormously by introducing plenty
of fresh fruit and vegetables and by cutting down significantly on your fat
intake.
Below you will find a list of common foods and their fat and calorific
values. All you have to do is to swap foods that you now eat regularly with a
high calorific / fat content for those with a low (or at least lower) value.
Before looking at the food lists, bear in mind these few simple rules.
Adherence to them will make a significant difference to your overall fat, and
subsequently calorie, consumption.
Don’t eat any fried foods. (Deep or shallow fried.) Boil, poach, bake
or grill instead.
Don’t eat out for a few weeks. (A typical Indian or Chinese take away for
example; can easily contain over 2,000 calories!)
Avoid sweets and sugar based treats. (Cakes, buns, soft drinks etc.
Check the nutritional labels on all packaged foods and avoid any that are
high in fat (i.e. 10 per cent or more).
Use your favorite fruits and vegetables as comfort foods, as most fruit and
vegetables are OK in terms of fat and calories. (Check them against the
following lists).
Drink plenty of water. This is important for two reasons - first, it helps
to detoxify you by flushing the poisons from your system. This will include the
removal of nicotine from your body. Second, drinking plenty of water will take
away some of your feelings of hunger and therefore make it easier for you to
eat less, and still feel full up.
Study this list of common foods and choose an assortment that you like.
Substitute some of your usual higher fat foods for the foods that you have
selected from the list below. Check that you are making a significant calorie
difference by ensuring that your new choices of food have a lower calorific
value than the ones you have swapped them for.
Remember, this food watching business is only necessary if you are one of
those people who find themselves constantly at the fridge door when stopping
smoking!
The following lists are a rough guide to the amount of calories and fat
that you can expect to find in certain foods:
FRUIT
FAT (g)
CALORIES
APPLES
(1)
0
70
AVOCADO
(1)
36
370
BANANA
(1)
TRACE
85
CANTALOUPE
(1)
TRACE
80
CHERRIES (1 CUP)
TRACE
65
DATES (1
CUP)
TRACE
505
GRAPEFRUIT
(1)
TRACE
50
GRAPES (1
CUP)
TRACE
100
ORANGES (1)
TRACE
60
PEACHES
(1)
TRACE
35
PEARS
(1)
TRACE
30
PLUMS
(1)
TRACE
25
STRAWBERRIES
(1
CUP)
1
55
................................................
BREADS AND CEREALS
WHITE BREAD (1 SLICE)
1
70
WHOLE-WHEAT (1 SLICE)
1
65
CORNFLAKES (1 CUP)
TRACE 110
FLOUR WHITE (1 CUP)
1
400
MACARONI
CHEESE (1
CUP)
25
475
MUFFINS
(1)
5
135
NOODLES (1
CUP)
2
200
PIZZA (1 SLICE)
6
180
RICE, BROWN (1 CUP)
3
748
SPAGHETTI
BOLOGNAISE (1 CUP)
10
285
SHREDDED WHEAT (1)
1
100
WAFFLES
(1)
9
240
................................................
MEAT
BACON (1 SLICE, GRILLED)
4
47
BEEF (ROAST 3
0Z)
36
390
BEEF (CORNED 3
OZ)
10
185
BEEF (STEAK 3 OZ, GRILLED)
27
330
CHICKEN (3 OZ, ROASTED)
17
250
CHILLI CON CARNE (1 CUP)
15
325
LAMB CHOP (GRILLED, 4 OZ)
35
480
LIVER (LAMBS, 3
OZ)
12
260
PORK
CHOP
(1)
21
280
PORK SAUSAGE (3 OZ) 44
475
TURKEY (ROASTED, 3 OZ)
15
265
VEAL CUTLET (GRILLED, 3
OZ)
9
185
................................................
EGGS AND DAIRY PRODUCE
EGGS - BOILED
(1)
6
75
SCRAMBLED
(1)
8
110
MILK (FULL FAT, 1
CUP)
9
160
(SEMI SKIMMED 1 CUP)
5
145
CHEESE
(CHEDDAR, 1 OZ)
9
115
(COTTAGE, 1
CUP)
1
170
CREAM
(WHIPPING, 1 TB SPOON)
6
45
(LIGHT, 1 TB SPOON)
3
30
CUSTARD (BAKED, 1 CUP)
14
285
ICE CREAM 1
CUP
18
300
.................................................
FISH PRODUCTS
COD (GRILLED 3
OZ)
5
170
FISHCAKES (FRIED,
2)
8
175
FISH FINGERS (FRIED, 5)
10
200
HADDOCK (FRIED, 3 OZ)
5
135
LOBSTER (STEAMED, 1)
2
184
OYSTERS
(6)
2
80
PRAWNS
3 OZ
1
110
SARDINES TINNED 3 OZ
9
180
TUNA TINNED 3
OZ
7
170
.................................................
VEGETABLES
BEANS, BROAD 1
CUP
TRACE 140
KIDNEY 1
CUP
1 230
BEETROOT
(BOILED, 1
CUP)
TRACE 68
BROCCOLI,
(STEAMED, 1 CUP)
TRACE
45
BRUSSELS
SPROUTS 1
CUP
TRACE 60
CABBAGE,
(STEAMED, 1
CUP)
TRACE 40
CARROTS, (RAW, GRATED, 1
CUP)
TRACE 45
CAULIFLOWER, (STEAMED, 1
CUP)
TRACE 30
CELERY, 1
STICK
TRACE 5
LENTILS 1
CUP
TRACE 212
LETTUCE
1
TRACE 56
MUSHROOMS, (TINNED,
CUP)
TRACE 12
ONIONS, COOKED, 1 CUP)
TRACE 80
PARSNIPS, (STEAMED, 1
CUP)
1
95
PEAS, (CANNED, 1
CUP)
TRACE 68
PEPPERS, (RAW,
1)
TRACE
25
POTATOES,
(BAKED, 1
MED.)
TRACE 100
(CHIPS,
10)
7
155
(CREAMED, 1
CUP)
12
230
POTATO CRISPS
10
7
110
SPINACH,
(STEAMED, 1 CUP)
TRACE
26
SWEETCORN,
(STEAMED, 1
EAR)
1
92
TOMATOES, (RAW, 1 MED)
TRACE
30
TURNIPS,
(STEAMED, 1
CUP)
TRACE 40
If you have had a good look at the above list you will have discovered how
easy it can be to substitute high calorie foods for those foods with a much
lower calorie content, If you choose to make this substitution on a daily basis
you can easily keep yourself from feeling hunger by increasing the volume of
the food you eat whilst maintaining or even reducing your calorie intake.
A second strategy for keeping your weight in check is to simply increase
the amount of calories you burn each day. This can be achieved by increasing
the amount of exercise you do on a daily basis. Remember, excess calories will
be stored on your body as fat, so ideally you will combine both techniques of
diet modification and exercise for a doubly effective approach.
Now let’s take a look at strategy 2:
The following table tells you how many calories you can expect to burn by
completing certain exercises.
This table relates to an individual who weighs seventy kg. If you are
lighter than this you will burn off slightly less calories during each exercise
and if you are heavier you will burn off slightly more - about ten percent more
or less for each difference of 7 kg.
Please consult your doctor before starting any new form of exercise or
before significantly increasing current levels of activity.
CALORIES PER HOUR (APPROXIMATIONS)
BADMINTON
500
BASKETBALL
630
BOXING
800
BRICKLAYING
260
CALLISTHENICS
350 - 600
CIRCUIT
TRAINING
600
CYCLING:
SLOW
275
MEDIUM
410
FAST
600
DANCING:
SLOW
400
FAST
600
FENCING
650
FISHING
300
GARDENING
450
GOLFING
350
GYMNASTICS
300
HORSE
RIDING
330
HOUSEWORK
300
ICE
HOCKEY
600
MOUNTAIN
CLIMBING
600
MOWING
400
TABLE
TENNIS
475
SKIPPING
(HARD)
800
RUNNING:
SLOW
700
MEDIUM
950
FAST
1150
SAWING
HARDWOOD
600
SEX
375 -
600
SKIING
600
SKATING
500 - 1000
SCUBA
DIVING
1000
SOCCER
775
SQUASH
650
SWIMMING
350 - 900
TENNIS
500
WALKING
200 - 500
WALKING UPSTAIRS 600 - 1100
WEIGHT TRAINING
500
WRESTLING
900
These figures in the food and exercise tables give you a rough guide as to
what you will be able to eat in addition to or as a substitute for, your normal
diet. For example, if you were to have an hours brisk walk in addition to your
normal daily routine then you could safely eat extra food to the value of
300-400 calories without putting on any additional weight. Perhaps a portion of
chips or a few ounces of roast beef. Alternatively, If you were to substitute
one portion of about 30 chips, (465 calories) you could exchange it for say, a
cup of creamed potatoes, 2 sticks of celery, 6 oysters and 1 banana and still
be eating 60 calories less! There really is no need to go hungry, just modify
your diet and increase your daily exercise and you should have little or no
problem in maintaining your current weight.
If you choose to put enough thought and effort into this whole process, you
could quite easily even lose weight, in addition to stopping smoking!
As with all the techniques you have encountered so far in this book, the
real secret of successful weight management is to make a decision and stick to
it. Decide on what way you want your weight to go, work out how to achieve it,
monitor your progress by regular weighing, and keep on adjusting your dietary
and exercise plan until you achieve the result that you want. It really can,
and will, be that easy.
If you have taken on board all the principles and knowledge contained in
this book, you are now ready to begin the process of stopping smoking.
………………………………………………
The next and final chapter will contain all the information that you need
to be successful, condensed into a simple to use ‘battle plan’
CHAPTER 7 - THE ‘BATTLE PLAN’
Right then - this is it, the last chapter before you become a non smoker!
What this section is going to do is to sort out all the practical information
from the rest of the book and put it into the form of a simple plan of
instructions from which you can work on a daily basis. When you finish this
section you can take your last smoke (if you want one that is!) and then begin
your journey into the land of the non smoker. You now have everything that you
need to be a success and absolutely no valid excuses to fail. I won’t wish you
luck - you wont need it. What you will need however, is to make a resolution to
keep plodding away with all the techniques discussed in this book until you
find yourself in a position where you feel confident enough to continue on your
own, without the need for assistance from your support structures.
This whole stopping smoking process will start off feeling a little
difficult at first but with each passing day your journey will become easier.
It is of the utmost importance that you hang in there during any rough
patches that you may encounter because you can be absolutely certain that they
will pass. You will help them to pass easier and quicker by employing the
tactics you have learned from this book. If you do so, you will find that in
what seems like no time at all you will regard yourself not just as someone who
is trying to stop smoking, but as an ex smoker.
If I was to try and identify the single most important piece of advice that
will best help you to succeed, I would say it would be this:
NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, DON’T PICK UP A CIGARETTE.
Remember, once again that there is simply no valid excuse, not even
something as painful as the death of a loved one, and considering smoking for
anything less is simply to admit defeat to that little ‘voice’ in your head.
THE ‘BATTLE PLAN’
1 IN WRITING, state that you understand and admit that you are a nicotine
addict. If you haven’t already done this DO IT RIGHT NOW!
2 IN WRITING, state that you are going to stop smoking at the end of this
book and that you will never smoke again. Sign this declaration and put it on a
wall that you will see every day. Your bathroom is a good place to put it. If
you haven’t already done this, DO IT RIGHT NOW!
3 SAY OUT LOUD to yourself that you will follow all of the instructions and
use all of the tactics in this book, whenever requested or necessary. DO THIS
NOW!
4 REMEMBER that you will always be addicted to nicotine, therefore there
will be no time when it is OK to have a smoke.
5 AGREE to pay the price of sometimes tolerating some discomfort and know
that not only will this discomfort soon pass, but also that it is a very small
price to pay to become a non smoker.
6 BE AWARE of the little ‘voice’. Make it your sworn enemy and know that it
doesn’t care about your welfare and will constantly feed you with contrived
excuses in order to make you smoke. THERE IS NO VALID EXCUSE FOR STARTING
SMOKING AGAIN. If you smoke again it is always because you were conned by this
‘voice’ and refused to pay the price of short term discomfort.
7 MAKE A PAIN CHART and put it on your wall. When you feel that the going
is getting a bit tough, do a head to toe body check and measure the real
strength of your pain. Remember that it is seldom as bad as the little ‘voice’
would have you believe! DO THIS RIGHT NOW.
8 REMEMBER that ‘THIS TOO, SHALL PASS’, if you hit a rough patch
9 ONE DAY AT A TIME when used as a pain management strategy will help to
get even those of you with an extremely low pain threshold, through the
roughest of patches. If necessary, you can reduce this to one hour, or even 5
minutes at a time.
10 H.A.L.T. Remember never to get too hungry, angry lonely or tired. Do
whatever it takes to avoid these emotionally vulnerable mental states.
11 TELL EVERYONE YOU KNOW that you are now a non smoker and that you will
never smoke again. Make a particular point of telling those people who you
don’t get on with, or those who would like to see you fail. This tactic can
sometimes mean the difference between success and failure! So go ahead - pick up
the phone. DO THIS RIGHT NOW!
12 ASK YOUR FRIENDS, family and colleagues to give you all the support that
they can, and to take you seriously. Tell them never to offer you a cigarette
and to be patient and tolerant if you happen to experience any mood swings.
START THIS PROCESS RIGHT NOW!
13 ENLIST THE SUPPORT of someone you really respect and trust. Regard them
as your stop smoking sponsor and ask them to phone you twice a day for the
first few weeks to check on your progress. Give them a copy of this book to
read, or talk them through the main points, in order that they are in a
position to better support you. IF YOU FIND YOU ARE TEMPTED TO SMOKE, pick up
the phone and talk to your sponsor and if they are not available then don’t use
that as an excuse to smoke, just talk to someone else, or wait until your
sponsor does becomes available. ASK SOMEONE TO BE YOUR SPONSOR RIGHT NOW!
14 CHART YOUR SUCCESS. Make a daily, weekly and monthly success chart as
described in the chapter on support. Fill this chart in every day and know that
with each passing successful day your symptoms are reducing and your chances of
succeeding are becoming greater and greater. It is only a matter of time now
before you can call yourself an ex smoker! DO THIS RIGHT NOW!
15 REWARD YOURSELF every day for the first two weeks, and every week for
the first two or three months. Something small for the daily rewards and
something a little more significant for the end of each successful week.
16 MONITOR YOUR WEIGHT and adjust by means of diet and / or
exercise, as necessary.
17 MOTIVATE YOURSELF by verbalizing your daily success and daily
intentions. Do this every night and every morning, as described in the support
strategies chapter.
18 CELEBRATE BIG TIME your new life as an ex smoker at the end of about the
third or fourth month. This will probably be around the time when you will
start to feel comfortable with the idea that you are now an ex smoker and not
just someone who is trying to give up.
19 REMEMBER that for the next year or two (or perhaps even for ever) you
are still going to hear that little ‘voice’. Only on the odd occasion and only
quite weakly, but you must be aware of its constant presence because if you are
at any stage to light up a cigarette, then you will revive this little monster
to its former strength and you may well have to start from scratch. After a few
months there is not really going to be any serious problem staying stopped,
provided that:
NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, YOU DO NOT TAKE A CIGARETTE.
OK, that’s it then. If you have finished setting up all the above support
systems then your time has arrived.
Finally, throw away any remaining cigarettes that you may have, follow all
the above instructions,
STOP SMOKING NOW
&
LET THE BATTLE COMMENCE!
…………………………………………………………………………………
Mark Jordan
2004