You may have seen the travel posters and brochures, describing it as a vacation paradise. They probably caught your eye if you were thinking that maybe you’re a little tired of this quit and all the perpetual vigilance it seems to require, and need a little break. The trouble is that you’re not going to enjoy your trip to Relapzland very much, even for a short stay, and despite that, you’ll find it a difficult place to leave.

Most people reach it through the entrance at Slip City. It is surprisingly easy to settle into Relapzland, but after staying there a while, you’ll wonder why you ever went there, although you won’t really feel like leaving. Finding the motivation in a quagmire of malaise is the key to escape. You know you are capable of quitting, so the mind games can work twice as hard as before-- hey, I will quit, I know that, yeah, yeah, I've done it before, so it's just a matter of finding the right time, etc., etc. These thoughts may be even stronger if you've developed a pattern of periodic slips from which you have recovered.

This might not be so bad if there were some redeeming feature of Relapzland, but you quickly find upon arrival that the guilt is doubled while the motivation to quit is halved. First, you have this gang of quit friends that you didn't have before your quit began, and they've been making you feel rotten just by staying quit. Plus, now you have a new sense of regret, of having squandered something that was hard to come by, and that's something you didn't have to deal with on the first quit. Both of these factors quickly turn to positives when you get your quit started again, but in Relapzland they are definite downers.

On top of all that, you're not really enjoying the smoking at all! How disappointing. It feels like you're inhaling hot dust, tastes horrendous, and the stench... But you figure, somehow, that since you're rebelling against the quit and you're not going to smoke for long, that you somehow have to do it while you're in smoking mode. It's a revelation to discover that you are doing something strictly to satisfy an addiction that gives you no pleasure whatsoever.

These new sources of malaise, conflict, remorse, and unfulfilment combine to make this a most dreadful place to be. All of these things, we knew already-- others have been there and back, and they've all had similar stories to tell. All we can hope is that you won't have to discover them first-hand.

On the positive side, the quit after relapse is easier, once it begins. You’ll find that most of the quitbuds are there and in place. Many of them actually understand, and all of them forgive. The withdrawal symptoms are familiar and really do feel like recovery rather than strange signs of imminent death. Guilt dissipates quickly. An amazingly short tunnel will take you back here, but a dense thicket of psychobrickles obscures its entrance.

It looks like some of my friends who have been wandering in Relapzland have made it to that entrance, and I hope some others can also find their way. I hope they're lurking now, so they can find the entrance before the brickles grow back. It would be best if the rest of you could just avoid the whole trip.

ToddL Escaped from Relapzland in November, 1999, after an extended stay