QA
February 24, 2003
'THERE IS NO PAIN GREATER'
Dying of lung cancer, an anti-smoking campaigner talks about losing it all
BARB TARBOX, a stay-at-home mom and one-time model, went for her annual check-up last year, feeling perfectly fine. The Edmonton native was anything but. A heavy smoker since she was 12, Tarbox learned at 41 she had terminal lung cancer that had spread to her brain and bones. She wasn't expected to make it to Christmas, but she defied the odds. Last week, Tarbox celebrated her 20th wedding anniversary on Valentine's Day with husband Patrick. It is expected to be the couple's last. Tarbox now spends her remaining time packing school auditoriums across Canada, making impassioned pleas to students and adults not to smoke. She told Senior Writer Danylo Hawaleshka about how her daughter Mackenzie, who turns 10 this week, encourages her to get the message out. If you smoke, Tarbox tells audiences, be prepared to say goodbye to the people you love.
Tell us about your cancer.
I went for my yearly checkup. I felt absolutely great. People told me, "You have double the energy of a normal person." I didn't even have a cough. I had my yearly chest X-ray, and there was a little fine line. My doctor suggested double-checking with a CT scan. I have bronchogenic carcinoma. Lung cancer. They scheduled a lung biopsy. We had to wait four to five days for the biopsy to go to pathology. My husband and I walked into the doctor's office -- it was a Thursday we'll never forget -- we sat down and he said, "Barb, I'm terribly, terribly sorry. We're transferring you now to the Cross Cancer Institute. You have lung cancer."
What are your symptoms?
I have massive, massive headaches, I'm losing my vision, I'm growing weak. I can be walking and I'll just drop, I fall. I tell my body, "Okay, stand up," but it doesn't connect, right? I've lost 41 pounds in less than 2 1/2 months. My skin is cyanotic, which means purple, blue -- my knuckles are black.
What's causing the discoloration?
That's what happens very shortly before death. Your limbs are shutting down, and your blood in your body is just going to your organs. I have deep purple veins that protrude on my legs. It's horrific.
When did you start smoking?
I'd just finished Grade 6, and you know what? I was a star athlete: basketball, volleyball, track and field. I loved being athletic. But I started in Grade 7. I lacked confidence. There was a lot of peer pressure to be with the in-crowd. Everybody was smoking.
Why did you keep smoking?
I got hooked. But you know what? My first drag of a cigarette, I threw up for three days after that. I thought it was the most disgusting thing. But everybody who was the most popular, they were all smoking. So I thought, "Oh, eventually I'll get used to it." And that's what I did.
Did you try to quit?
No, I didn't. That's what I tell the kids. I always made excuses. My mother died when I was 21. She developed lung cancer. She smoked for 40 years. One of the top oncologists said to me, "Barb, do you smoke?" and I said, "Yes." He said, "You have to quit, or I'm going to see you here in 20 years." I said, "this will never happen to me, there'll be a cure for cancer in 20 years, and I'm not going to worry about it now." I made excuses. The anniversary of my mother's death is Sept. 22. I was diagnosed as dying on Sept. 19 -- 19 years after she died.
How did you react?
I was in so much shock. Honest to goodness. I looked at my doctor and I said, "I don't even have a cough!" And he said, "Fifty per cent of lung cancer patients will have zero symptoms, yet 50 per cent of lung cancer patients at diagnosis are terminal, Stage 4. You're dying."
How long have you got?
It was a miracle to see Christmas. That's what the goal was. That's how fast lung cancer goes. They're looking at me and shaking their heads. Every day's a blessing. Every moment that I have, I'm so fortunate.
Why do you spend the little time you have left talking to students?
I don't want anybody walking this path. My gosh, you know, I spent my life saying I was going to live to be 100. And now I'm dying. Even my daughter says, "Mommy, you've got to tell people what this has done to you." She knows the importance. She knows what it's done to me.
What do you tell students?
My presentations are an hour and a half. We talk about everything: peer pressure, self-doubt, feeling that you have to belong to a certain group. I beg them never, ever to take the path that I walked.
What has the response been?
It's been phenomenal. We have people who have booked 4,000 kids in arenas, and they said, "The only thing you can hear" -- when I'm talking -- "is the tears drop on the cement." They've never seen anything like this. One of the most important statements I make to them is, "Imagine for one moment saying goodbye to someone you love, and you're never, ever going to see them again." At the end, I love talking to the kids. They're phenomenal.
How do you know whether what you're saying is having an effect?
I receive hundreds and hundreds of e-mails and letters. I'm getting cards, full packages of cigarettes crumbled up. They tell me they've never, ever thought about this until they met me. They say, "You understand us."
And so, for the record, what do you think of cigarettes?
Oh, I hate them. I hate them! Honest to God. My daughter -- I have to say goodbye to the most incredible daughter I could ever have dreamt of, and my husband of 20 years. The pain -- there is no pain greater than the pain of cancer, and the pain of grief. I'm going to be dying very, very soon, and it leaves Pat and Mackenzie on their own. You can't imagine that pain.
I just want Canadians to look at their incredible families, the people in their lives, look in their eyes, and just be so incredibly grateful that they have them in their lives, and that they have many, many years ahead.
Listen, promise me, if you smoke, you'll quit. OK?
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